 MirulJune 17th 1991 (Age 18) Male Shah Alam
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Dec 16, 2009
16th December 2009, was a big big day for me. The day before, the instructor told me that i have to memorize the checklist by heart,
however I did not promise him to do so. I know it is for my own good.
but when i sit and try to memorize it. All the procedure
doesnt last for a long period, after a while i have to look onto
the checklist again and again.
i became fed up. and promised myself by crook or by group i will
memorize it by tomorrow before my sortie since i scheduled to
fly at 4 oclock in the evening.
Captain Rizal was an ex-airforce pilot. He used to fly a chopper
when he is in service with Royal Malaysian Airforce (RMAF). Lot of stories
that i heard from the seniors telling that those who had a chance to fly with
him will experience lot of things. He is such a cool guy with a humble and smart
looking character. For those newbies that had assigned to fly with him.
he will do some aerobatic manouvre either stall turn, negative G, Positive G
low level flying, or some other serious manouvre that can ripped your gut off
to fly safely again with him during the familiarisation sortie.
those manouvre as a welcome greet by him to his students
anyway, those who assigned to fly with Capt. Rizal can be consider as a lucky
student because none of the other instructor as sporting as Capt. Rizal did.
most of the flying instructor are following the Standard Operating Procedure
meaning the are no extreme manouvre that can cause serious injury
in case the flight doesnt goes smooth. And I was lucky because i was
assigned to fly with Capt. Rizal.
His height, how should I describe it, was not about the standard height for a Malay man. But definitely not short, no. He was just a few centimeters shorter than me, and smelled strongly of tobacco which he smoked Dunhill. An ex-air force pilot, he could dictate the kind of atmosphere around him, for when he's around, cadets would instantly be disciplined. That day - 16 Decmber of 2009 - I talked to him on 1200 hours, 4 hours before briefing starts.
"Ape die?", he said (said, not barked, which is considered soft for an ex-fighter pilot).
Like a soldier I stand upright in his room, not daring to move with my hand next to my pocket.
Not until I had he permission, of course. I was calmed though. Far calmer than any other cadet who had to face him personally. The reason for my calmness was that I had been through with military style during NS training.
And at the moment, I was quite used to the atmosphere of his style.
"I scheduled to fly with you sir on 4 o'clock", I replied.
"Mane satu fly ngan aku arinie, ko ke Mark? Romeo prblem arinie. Tunggu tgk replacement aircraft.".
"Yes sir".
"OK only?".
"Well, I'm sure I have gone through EFATO drill and Effect of Control theory lesson".
"You guess so?".
"I am positive I'm well prepared".
Capt.Rizal nodded his head.
"Should I stay here or what sir?".
"Azmierul en?".
"Yes Sir!".
"Petang nanti nak fly, aku panggil ko, jgn pergi jauh".
----------------------------------------------------------
1435 hours, Suddenly I heard people called my name.
"Azmierul! Ko pegi check BEF, haa Foxtrot, aku datang jap lagi, kita terus fly"
"Sir, check macam mana? Aircraft tu boleh terbang or trus buat pre-flight check".
"Ko pre-flight lah, Foxthrot jap lg trus fly!".
"Pre-Flight?".
"Iye, Pre-flight, pg cepat".
"Yes Sir".
I straight heading to 9M-BEF and started the pre flight check, since i didnt memorize the checklist.
i did my pre flight check a lil bit slow because i have to refer to the checklist.
basically, the pre flight check is all about the condition of the aircraft
is it in a good gondition, how's the fuel level, do the stall horn working,
is there any wreckage on the airframe and all that.
drain the fuel for searching if there is any contaminant.
When he came back to me, I was already strapped in the pilot's seat. The cockpit check all done by then and I was so, so nervous. To this day I can still remember how nervous I was on that day. It was normal for me to be nervous every time I wait for him to get into the aircraft with me and say "Okay, lets go". But on that day, there was this kind of weird feeling bugging my 6th sense. Perhaps I already knew what was to come, although Captain Rizal did not promise me. He treated me just like any other cadet flying with him
The smell inside the Eagle 150B was bad. I wouldn't go as far as describing the smell as 'pungent', but it was definitely not sweet. And I'm sure the instruments, the joystick (the steering of an aircraft), and the leather seat, were full of bacterias. Remember, it's always hot inside the Eagle. No air-conditioning. Cadets and instructors sweat like athletes sweat after playing a game. And the inside of the Eagle seldom had time to "dry" itself from the sweat of the pilots.
"1,2,3 read me loud and clear", I heard Captain Rizal spoke into the headset's microphone.
"5 Very Strong Sir, Loud and clear"
"Kota Bharu Ground, Apac 12, Assalamualaikum" Capt. Rizal established the communication with the tower.
"Apac 12, Waalaikummussalam, Go Ahead"
"Apac 12, Request for startup Bachok Training Area, POB Zero Two,
Endurance 3 hours 30 minute, in 9M-BEF, with Information Hotel Copied",
"Apac 12 cleared for startup contact when ready"
"Kota Bharu Ground, Apac 12 request for taxi"
"Apac 12, cleared for taxi, holding point charlie, contact tower 122.6"
"Taxi holding point charlie, contact tower 122.6, Apac 12"
After Capt Rizal request to taxi the Eagle had been approved by the controller, I released the parking brakes. Almost immediately the flying machine moved. I didn't need to increase the power at all, unlike when driving a car. When driving, although you've started the engine, you still need to press the accelerator or put the gear to 'Drive' to make the car move. But with an aircraft (any type of aircraft), once the engine is running, the pilot just need to release the parking brake and it will slowly move forward. I didnt know what was the normal speed when taxiing the Eagle. Maybe we just judge the speed by looking outside and 'feel' the speed. And if you know the answer, do remind me. For the first time i stepped onto the rudder, and taxi
the aircraft on my own, at first it was funny because i move like a
'ular kena palu'
it feels weird because when you're driving you turn the car by moving
the steering, but for aircraft we turn to the left and right by
kicking the rudder to the right or left. Sometimes i lose my concentrate on
right leg, the aircraft slip to the left, then i try to counter with left rudder,
but then to much force i applied, the aircraft turn to the left.
"Ko bawak passenger macam nie, semua mintak turun kapal terbang"
"Sorry sir, I'm trying my best sir.",
"Takpe-takpe, aku tak marah, ko try feel, jgn apply left rudder, aircraft memang automatic akan turn left, ko counter right rudder jea",
"Yes Sir"
About 10 minutes later, I turned onto the runway for take off. Power set, brake released, and we were accelerating down Runway 28, gaining speed each second. At 55 knots, the joystick was pulled aft to lift the nose of the aircraft into the air. With the aircraft's nose tilted upwards and air rushing beneath the wings, we were airborne. At 1000 feet, I turned left, heading for the training area which was 15 minutes of flying time away from the airport. First exercise of the day was Effect of Control. Cadets were thought the primary effect of control, (no it's not simply by turning the joystick), how to fly straight and level (not as easy as you think), and how to trimmed the aircraft.
30 minutes of Effect of Control exercise, he fly near the coastal area
and showed me the border of our training area. So that in the future
when i come to do an exercise i will never fly across the border. We along the
coastal area and from our view, we can see clearly the two pulau
which is Pulau Perhentian Kecil and Pulau Susu Dara.
"Ko tau asal dia panggil Pulau Susu Dara?",
"I have no idea sir.",
"Sebab pulau tu, nampak macam tetek perempuan, bulat montok, sedap",
there you go Pulau Susu Dara. do it looks like a boobies?
haha, it did.
"Sir, but then, the one that we can see clearly is Pulau Perhentian Kecil right,
is that means beside the Perhentian Kecil located the Perhentian Besar?"
"No, the Perhentian Besar you can found down there, Kak Aida, ko kenal Aida? itu Perhentian Besar Punya"
"Hahaha. Terbaik lah Sir!"
after that we continue our lesson on that day trimming the aircraft.
"You still have problem trimming the aircraft. You should maintain your datum attitude first before you trim the aircraft. Not trimming the aircraft at the
same time you move the joystick" asked Captain Rizal, his body turning to face me in the cramped cockpit. It really sucks when someone is facing you but you can't face him because you're doing something important.
"I know Sir. I'm sorry I will maintain the Datum attitude first, then
i trim the aircraft", I replied.
Let me explain what happened. Have you ever think how a pilot control the aircraft throughout the journey?
Ask this question, "if the pilot have to put his hand and maintain the same
posture of his hand throughout the journy, can he last long? dont he will experience fatigue after a while?
it need something so that the aircraft can still fly steadily with the pilot only
apply a lil bit pressure to control the joystick.
so that he can move away his hand from the stick and having flight meal
and can still fly level.
we called it as trimming the aircraft.
Otherwise the aircraft will never flying level, and keep on losing and gaining altitude.
Thus will effect the performance of the entire flight.
That, is very ugly. The answer is to trim the aircraft by applying the opposite
trim to the force act.
after finish all the excercise we were flying back to the final to que up before
fully landed. On way back, the tower asked up to hold at the early downwind.
suddenly Capt Rizal said
"Ko nak positive G ke, negative G?"
before i could manage to answer his questions, he move the joystick forward
and caused the aircraft dive and at the same time, he idling the throttle.
the aircraft dive straight almost 80 degree of dive.
i felt my brain, body, everything left up on the air.
my visual was only ground. all i can see is ground, soil and colour of tree.
i was silent and shocked.
"Member ko aritu dah Positive, ko lah pulak rasa Negative, Seronok?"
i didnt answer his question. i keep silenced. I started to feeling vomitting.
Air-Sickness. Damn!
"Sir, air sickness".
"Ko bawak plastic bag tak?"
"Tak bawak sir."
he tilt the window on my left and pull my head facing the window.
"Tarik nafas panjang-panjang".
"Dah ok dah sikit sir"
"Ok tak nie?"
"Yes Sir!"
before we enter the early downwind, Capt Rizal climb to 2000ft and bring me
to fly through the cloud and feel why aviation rules, ask pilot to prevent
entering the cloud so much is because you can feel the aircraft will
flying bouncing thorough the cloud. I took the chance to put my window
and touch the cloud like a kid who reach his dream to touch the cloud.
and i did. i touch the cloud baby!.
hahaha.
after that, we enter the mid downwind, and Capt Rizal request to land.
we landed with crosswind 9 knot and Capt Rizal did show me the crosswind
landing technique by crabbing a little bit.
after that we disperse and i taxiing the aircraft again to park at the apron.
"Oh, nak muntah-muntah, baru taxy power eh?"
"Tonic tu sir! Haha"
After that, i do the shutdown check by cut-off the engine pulling the mixture
control. After that capt rizal dibrieft me for about 10 minute.
and i left the hangar on 1610 hours.
Thank you, Captain Rizal!
syukurlah
i was airborne again
azmierul che mat
Posted at 11:33 pm by Mirul
Permalink
Dec 15, 2009
i am down to earth.
ya allah, tabahkanlah hambamu ini.
Posted at 01:41 am by Mirul
Permalink
Dec 11, 2009
first of all, aku nak mintak maaf sangat-sangat anhar,mamal, aku tak dapat
spent cuti christmas nie ngan korang macam last year.
anyway, christmas last year mmg best. Bukit Bintang terbaik.
takpe-takpe, macam kita janji the next time kita jalan depan pavi tuh,
the moment top of career masing-masing.
hahaha.
member aku sk cakap christmas kat singapore lagi super weh.
dia ajak aku this year, tapi aku takleh pegi duh. sengkek giler.
aku baru lepas beli modem broadband, subscribe semua, 300 habis.
skarang, aku tgh sengkek.
hahahaha.
ini hafiz yahya namanya. membe aku dkat Malaysian Airline Engineering Training Centre (METC)
dia baru kena dumped gak macam aku dgn gf dia.
aku mengerti. we are on the same boat.
petang tadi mengaduh kasih dekat aku through facebook.
mintak aku carikan gf baru.
katanya mau gerek.
gerek-gerek huh?
dalam class ko tidur, sama jea dari kelas kat mrsm dulu 5C, smpai lah
sekarang kerja ko tidur je bro!
sape-sape nak number phone dia, pm aku weh.
hahahah
Tup tup, masa cepat duh berlalu, dah nak abis pun 2009.
senior aku Ewin pun sudah mau on job training.
congratz bro.
3 gold bar atas bahu nanti kita yumcha
2009 nak abis, orang lain dah nak on job training,
tapi sortie aku tak kemana gak lagi. time panas instructor holiday.
time hujan gini lak ade pulak instructor nye tanak cuti pulak.
kalaulah aku boleh predict weather.
tak payah pg amik metar report.
aku browse-browse airliners.net tadi, aku jumpa gmbr nie.
patu termenung sorang-sorang.
bilalah aku dapat peluang nak kerja nie.
dah jemu dah duk kelantan nie.
naik tepu dah tgk crew residence ari-ari.
aku nak bawak umie abah naik first flight aku duh.
nak bawak dorang g umrah.
nak berdoa dekat depan kaabah, agar abah dibuka pintu
hati, terima umie semula,
aku nak family aku kembali bersama duh.
permudahkanlah uruskan ya allah.
lastly, 2 hari lepas aku hantar senior aku balik w.mju.
she was my senior masa dekat INTI.
tapi different course, dia ambik sains aktuarial x silap.
and she will represent INTI pg Cambodia untuk seminar IPTS x silap.
senior, enjoy ur trip pg cambodia.
hati-hati, dekat sana bila beli barang, banyak tipu.
and dorang pakai USD. agak mahal lah kalu nak spending.
jangan hilang, duk diam-diam belakang guider.
you dah lah kecik, hilang kejap jea.
oh ya, i promised i x beli cheese cake dah, nxt time i make sure
semua chocolate cake ok?
oh ya, sorry tak dapat bawak you tour whole area of my school.
i kejar masa, takut you terlepas nak boarding.
anyway, have fun dkat cambodia.
jaga diri elok2.
and its good to hear that you dah recover dari demam
syukurlah.
azmierul che mat.
Posted at 10:00 pm by Mirul
Permalink
Dec 10, 2009
I've lost all the inspirations to even think of what to write. Been kept busy slumbering in my room.
Most of my conscious time is spent in front of the PC (chatting and surfing nothing).
A perfect transition to become sampah, dont you think?
6 years ago...........
I was 12. Standard 6, very naive. One very strict Bahasa Melayu teacher to deal with 4 times a week, got my left ear pinched once because I forgot to put penanda wacana in my essay. Her name's Puan Robiha. I was so afraid of her, that I made sure I got A for her subject, which I did.
A friend tried to avoid me, by not speaking to me because his father asked him to.
Got busted outside the school compound eating cendol with me, the father was not happy.
He disapproved the friend to take even a step pass the school gate.
I kept on taunting him, following his steps by the end of each period, saying "I'm telling you. This wont work. You can never avoid me.
Come on, say babi at least once. Be normal," despite the silent treatment each time.
We were back as friends nearly a month later, and one day, as he was laughing to a joke, I was
suprised to hear "Babi la ko ni!" coming out of his mouth.
He's a medical trainee now. His father can smile.
Posted at 06:15 pm by Mirul
Permalink
Dec 5, 2009
while browsing through abg shaha photo.
i found out this one lovely picture.
hahaha.
tetiba aku rasa nak jugak doh mcm nie.
best wooh. sabar azmierul, sabar, one day, one day.
punyalah x sabar, calon sorang pun takde lagi.
jum, tolong carikan calon.
fyi, abg shaha working for Singapore Airlines
and he is ex-mrsmkt stdnt.
thanks abg shaha for enlighting me into this aviation world.
and i'm so sorry for could not make it for LIMA this year.
insyallah
there'll be some other time.
thank god for giving me chance to get to know this aviation world.
syukurlah.
azmierul che mat
Posted at 01:16 pm by Mirul
Permalink
Dec 4, 2009
"The truth is, everybody is going
to hurt you, you just gotta find
the ones worth suffering for"
-Bob Marley-
Posted at 08:06 pm by Mirul
Permalink
Dec 3, 2009
"Pahit itu
Penawar, Manis itu Racun"
sekali
pandang aku tak pernah ambik kisah pepatah melayu nie.
tapi
tak tahu kenapa semalam bila aku terbaca.
terkelu aku
seketika.
baru aku sedar betapa betulnya pepatah melayu
nie.
reflect dekat diri aku sendiri. aku susah untuk belajar
dari
kesilapan aku sendiri sehinggalah salah aku itu makan
diri sendiri.
by the time barulah aku terhegeh-hegeh nak
sedar, nak kembali pangkal jalan.
rasa pahitnya
peria baru aku nak telan.
tapi nasi dah jadi bubur campur
ngan peria pahit.
kenalah aku telan. biarlah aku tak suka
sekalipun.
bila semua benda jadi manis, aku akan hanyut
kebiasaannya
bila makan cadbury, agak-agak gigi rasa
sengal-sengal bru rasa
nak berenti, kalu tak, selagi ade,
selagi itulah duk mkn.
cik
aina, if you are reading this, please take a good care of
yourself.
badan awak tak tahan lasak. awak tak
sihat.
jaga keadaan sekeliling. dengan cuaca, kwsn bilik
semua.
kalau tak larat, better stay dekat rumah. no point pegi
class tapi x dapat study.
yes, mungkin byk awk akn missed tapi
untuk long term, mybe
next week awak dah
boleh sembuh bila dapat enough
rest.
makan ubat, awak tu susah nak makan
ubat.
nak telan ubat jea ada
alasan. pahit itu penawar.
ubat itu sekali telan jea
pahit, insyaallah sihat afterward
awak, jaga diri elok-elok. i
know u hv a bleeding heart,
but at least do care about ur
physical
study and your
health always comes first.
i want to see you smiling
again.
you have a smile tha can drag the world to smile
too.
till then, take a good care of your health!
jaga
diri elok-elok.
alhamdulillah walaupun dkat kelantan
asyik selalu hujan, ribut semua aku tetap sihat
walafiat.
syukurlah.
azmierul che
mat
Posted at 04:10 pm by Mirul
Permalink
Dec 2, 2009
ahad aritu awah pgi dubai lawat daddy dia working dkat sana.
since then no one temankan aku malam-malam.
plus dengan hujan hari-hari kat sini. memang takkan flylah agaknya aku
this month. Silap-silap trus tak fly smpai tahun depan.
xtvt aku spanjang minggu? tidur, online, main psp.(thanks aina adilah).
mmg boring gler ah duk mcm nie.
naik giler pun bleh.
since awah pg dubai.
aku sempat kirim 2 helai t-shirt emirate.
Thanks awah!
later balik, jumpa kat INTI, kita gie jalan-jalan cari makan.
ajak diba sekali. kasi kecoh keta you.
kita naik hummer daddy you ramai-ramai jum!
Seminggu dua minggu nie, takde benda nak ku blogging.
boring gler hari-hari di APFT nie.
azmierul che mat
Posted at 03:44 pm by Mirul
Permalink
Nov 28, 2009
Aina Adilah Mohd Roose
awak,
if you still recall, this is the picture where everything started kan?
honestly first time i look onto this picture, i say to myself.
"I have to win her heart"
every after subuh i selalu on ym just because nak chat dengan you.
kemana pergi, i let you know by leaving a text fr you.
sampailah the day i nak pergi NS, and we met infront of your house.
yang mana actually our first meeting too.
the next day, i leave for NS, sebab asyik duk melayan ur sms, i tertinggal borang
NS atas kereta kak cik, Once kak cik gerak, terbang habis semua form NS i sambil
i terkejar-kejar dari belakang mintak k.cik stop the car. Macam pak pandir pun ada.
same time jugak, cik aina baru dapat lesen kereta, habis shah alam dirondanya.
Seminggu dekat NS, sy dah start mabuk rindu.
actually perasaan dekat NSlah yang paling seronok, every before nak pergi ke surau i call you kejutkan untuk solat subuh. and after lunch
before balik untuk berehat sekejap. I call you again.untuk wish you goodnight
malamnya. Hari-hari i call you again again and again tak pernah rasa
jemu. Tgklah phone card yang i beli untuk bergayut dekat public phone, byk giler.
hahaha.
Jan 25th 2009, was our happiest day kan?
i propose you to be my gf.
hahaha
*blushing*
dah lah you makan lasagne tak abis, lepas tu tak jawab pulak tu i tanya.
and balik rumah segan sgt2 sbb i have to call you again and
tanya sekali again of my proposal.
orang tua-tua kata diam itu tandanya setuju. After some time awk diam.
awk answer "ya" perlahan sangat2 sampai i barely hear you voice.
dalam hati saya dah
"degedegedegede"
i balik NS, awk ambik dkat stadium,
org lain family datang ambik, saya awak datang jemput.
bahagianya hidup berteman nie kan?
hahaha.
result SPM come out, and kita busy isi form macam-macam.
saya pulak, semua scholarhsip nak apply
biarlah result ciput pun, tapi tetap hantar jugak, and orang paling penat
dalam settlekan my application form awaklah.
awaklah yang isi borang itu ini, awaklah yang settle cop pengesahan saya.
awaklah yang drive saya kesini dan kesitu.
hasilnya ade 10 set permohonan yang saya mohon, dari scholarship The Star,
sampailah scholarhsip Bumi Armada.
one day, Bumi Armada panggil untuk interview, awak dgn seluar pink, berkemeja, temankan saya ke menara perak.
masa tu, saya tengah miskin. duit belanja umie abah belum bank in.
ada 50 ringgit tak silap dalam poket. Bekalkan 50 ringgit pergi intview ditemani awk.
lunch, lapar, nak makan byk duit tak cukup,
last-last beli satu set subway, then kita kongsi sama-sama.
seronok kan awk? maafkan saya, saya tak cukup duit untuk beli dua awak.
and terima kasih sgt sebab sanggup berkongsi dengan saya.
after that, kitaorang mencari menara perak.
Punyalah cari satu KLCC. Menaranya bukan main besar, tapi
perkataan yang stated menara peraknya besar mcm semut.
kecik giler. luckily sy ada navigator terbaik, Aina Adilah.
baliknya, saya dapat offer scholarship bumi armada.
bukan main gembiranya saya, ditemani awak,
yang penat menunggu dalam waiting room while saya kena interview.
sambil menanti untuk sambung belajar, hari-hari awak temankan saya
pergi lunch dkat pak mal, pergi shopping dkat Bukit Raja,
tgk wayang dkat sunway.
finally, keputusan untuk scholarship yang lain-lain pun turut keluar.
malamnya awak semakkan untuk saya, and call me.
"awak, alhamdulillah awak dapat biasiswa JPA"
i was so excited sampai tatau nak cakap ape, terjerit2 dekat rumah abah masa tu.
seminggu saya daftar dekat INTI untuk prep American Degree Program.
awak pergi convo abg lan dkat manchester.
seminggu tak dapat intouch dgn awk, sudd dapat this msg frm you through ms.
yay smpt on9. haha. skjp je ni. while waiting sumorg siap2. aina da siap ! power kan aina :D aina siap mula2. haha ;) hr ni, kitorg nk grak pgi Glasgow Scotland. 4 days there. hari ni grak, jumaat balik :) kereta pun dpt dh. tapaya da aina naik2 bus dgn ayah. huu pnat la naik bus. sit dia gila keras & tegak. tengkuk aina pun da bengkok2 da. huehue. nama kereta tu SAAB. haha ! kereta apa tatau. aina pggl kereta biru je. "nak naik kereta biru!" haha :p bising gila :p sjuk gila awk temperature kat cni. aina menggigil2. mnd air pns pun menggigil ! adeh. da psg da heater dlm toilet tu. huu. anythng nnt, aina txt awk oky ? ;) awk tcare ye kat sana. nnt aina balik,. aina bg brg2 kat awk k. ad 4 kut brg utk awk :) 3 cnfrm dh. 1 lg nnt aina nk cari. abglan kata dia kn bwk pgi York, ad factory outlet. so mcm murah2 kut :) ish jln2 kat city ni kan, mhl lah brg ! bnci gila. huu. mcm cntik dh nk beli kan, tp bila tgk hrga cm x worth lgsg. hish hish. k la sayang. nk pgi dah ni. I LOVE YOU ! i miss you sayangggg. nnt balik, kita jmp ye ? mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah xoxo !
sy happy sgt at that time. tuhan jea tahu how excited i am. Masa
yang sama jugak, i received letter dari APFT saying i accept into their pilot
training program. Subhanallah, sy jerit satu block dgr sampai kena marah
dengan guard dkat bawah. Terasa nak call awak dkat scotland masa tu jugak. tapi duit tak cukup nak call awak.
try-try, last-last dapat jugak inform awak sy accepted into pilot training.
usaha kita selama nie pergi ke putrajaya, hantar borang ke terengganu tak sia-siakan awak. Atleast who i am now is because of you.
tapi problem started arising. after i was accepted into pilot training prgrm.
our relationship getting worse.
it seems like i do not understand you and i demanded lot from you.
i lose my temper, and couldnt control of my bad anger.
i started to blame you this and that, pointing all the mistake done
by you. and telling that you do not understand me at all.
i started to shed ur confident and trust towards me.
i hurt you, treat you in a way that you does not like it at all.
until November 4th was my last day with you.
a month and a half for our first anniversary.
you cant stand of my bad temper and harsh words.
you give up. you lose confident. you hate me.
you ask stop bothering you. you ask me to stop contacting you.
"it always take a lost to appreciate"
and now i experience and understand it well of what people always saying.
i appreciate more people that surround in my life.
it doesnt cost you a single cent to appreciate them.
even they will bright up and colour your life.
awak, if you are reading this,
saya disini menyusun sepuluh jari memohon
maaf atas silap dan salah saya towards awak selama dari Dec 16 08
sampai Nov 4 09. sekiranya saya ada melakukan apa-apa yg menyebabkan
awak terasa hati, tersinggung dgn my words. dan segala salah silap saya.
halalkan makan minum sy for everything that you spent for me.
sekiranya diberi peluang untuk tebus segala salah silap saya.
i will.
terima kasih atas segala pengorbanan yang telah awak lakukan
in keeping our relationship for the past 11 month.
terima kasih in helping my dream come true.
saya percaya sekiranya awak tak hadir dalam hidup saya,
lebih banyak perit susah akan saya lalui.
hadirnya awak dalam hidup saya, banyak membantu, malah menceriakan
hidup saya. i know it is too late to say thanks to you.
but believe me, i am so thankful to god and proud to have you once
in my life. it is so meaningful to have you with me.
you are such a caring, helpful and joyful person.
your smile always make my day.
keep smiling because you have a passionate smiles.
thanks to god for giving me chance to get to know you.
terima kasih untuk segala pengorbanan awak lakukan for me.
saya tak mampu membalas budi awak.
insyaallah, hanya doa saya mampu hadiahi sebagai balasan
atas segala jasa budi awak dan keluarga towards me.
saya berjanji akan ikut cakap awak.
saya takkan ganggu awak lagi seperti awak mintak.
saya takkan kacau awak lagi.
awak, jaga diri elok-elok ya.
study rajin-rajin, awak nak ada degree kan?
jgn cepat give up bila orang provoke awk.
ingat, awak nak prove kan yang awak boleh independent.
saya doakan yang terbaik untuk awak.
semoga awak dimurahkan rezeki dan dipermudahkan dalam segala urusan.
Insyaallah awak akan bahagia disamping keluarga.
sekiranya awak perlukan pertolongan,
tak ada siapa disisi awak.
do bear in mind that you will always have me.
till then.
terima kasih awak.
"you cant get rid of it. and you will never get rid of it"
azmierul che mat
Posted at 01:16 am by Mirul
Permalink
Nov 26, 2009
"Listen this properly, i call you only to say this and i say once"
"Please go away. Jgn kacau sy lagi"
"Saya TAK NAK"
i called her.
ask if there is any chance for me to stay with her.
and do she really still want me.
and she reply me so.
now i know, for the past week begging and hoping
for her to come back, is totally rubbish for her.
the more i chase after her, the further she walkaway frm me.
because what actually i am doing is "kacau" her.
i am such a BIG loser
again.
azmierul che mat
Posted at 11:10 pm by Mirul
Permalink
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